the other day i got an email from our landlords, whose backyard abuts ours, asking us to park our van completely in front of our house, because they find the sight of the three feet of van visible to them through our two backyards obtrusive.
now, our van may be a 1979 dodge, but it's rust-free, and has an even (if bright) yellow coat of new paint, and jaunty blue advertising for J's company. it isn't pretty like, say, a jaguar's pretty, but it's in good repair, and, what's more, it's none of anyone else's business. the street allows for public parking, no permits required. in fact, all the streets in our neighbourhood are the same, meaning that we could, legally, park in front of our landlord's house Every Day of the Year if we felt like it.
we could even park in front of their house, remove the van's tires, prop it up on blocks, and spray-paint: THIS IS OBTRUSIVE on the side of the van in fluorescent paint, legally.
but we will restrain ourselves.
what i want to know is how far landlords' rights extend over their tenants. i mean, my landlady, who is scarcely older than i am, has terrible taste -- in decorating and in shoes (and who knows what else?), so, can i write her an email about it? can i tell her that the colours she has used in her house, that seem verily to jump out at me from across our lawns in the evening through her un-curtained windows, speak to me of an ignorant-suburbanite-recently-come-into -money-trying-to-rise-above-herself-by-following-advice-in-boring- home-decorating-magazines-found-in-grocery-stores, and therefore offend me?
can i tell our other next-door neighbour that his fiance's fake tits don't conform to my values and ask him if he would please turn her around in my presence so i don't have to look at them?
it sounds absurd, of course, but i feel like our landlords are basically asking the same thing of us. the main difference is that we're poor, and they aren't. if we were driving a canary yellow lexus SUV, i doubt they would care where we parked it, and it freaks me out because it makes me feel like they value affluence in others. like maybe even right along with things like honesty, reliability, kindness and generosity -- you know, attributes of good character?
but affluence has nothing to do with character. affluence is not a value.
it gives me the creeps.
i don't know. maybe i'm wrong and that isn't what they're doing. i'd love to be wrong. maybe our landlady was menaced by nightmares involving yellow vans as a child, who knows.
4 comments:
I just wanna say, I ate my musli with water this morning, because I couldn't scrape together the cash for milk. Lactose free, of course. Hahaha, it was great emotional blackmail for my employer who owes me money from 9 weeks ago.
But Berlin doesn't care. Berliners are generally poorer than me. That's somehow reassuring. We're all in this together, we're all getting by ok, we're all having fun and probably hoping to die young and beautiful.
Anyway, your 1979 Dodge would be poo pooed here as well. Why? Because it's only one colour, and it's an automatic, isn't it? Isn't it? tell the truth!
;-)
Alles wird besser in 2005, die Halbe zum 2010! (Ich habe gehört daß, in 2011 kommt Magick zurück... ich dachte daß es schön hier war!)
funny... still laughing about telling her to turn around in your presence. me like.
yes, dear nisanthrope, it's automatic -- but in its defense i must mention that it is many, many colours -- canary yellow, grizzly brown, sky blue and indigo being just the dominant ones... purdy little baloo (van's name).
hey dr. hank,
thanks for noticing me! you sound very interesting -- what is this parcivalian journey you're on (i.e. "unweaving and reweaving from and again into life and society")? where did you go once unwoven? and where are you heading to, now?
i see you're in florida. i was just there last winter and saw oranges on the tree! i was ridiculously excited. i wrestled and struggled and eventually my excitement and curiosity overcame my guilt and i ran over to a grove by the side of the road to pick one.
it didn't come lose easily. i had to twist. then, as soon as it was dislodged, a car honked at me and i jumped and ran furtively back to the waiting van. i felt *so* *bad* for poaching the orange that i coulnd't bear to eat it, so i have yet to taste an orange off the tree.
i wonder how much profit the orange companies loose to awe-struck canadian morons like me every year...?
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