i'm still playing mum -- it's interesting. i just came back from taking j to his new school (it's the first day!!) and man, nothing has changed. the new kids had to meet in the library so that they could be individually taken to their classrooms (a special form of torture, as far as i'm concerned: taking the new kid in separately after the bell has rung) and the library smells like all libraries and the halls look and feel and smell like all halls. i only went to public school for three years, but it must have been traumatic because as i entered the school this nameless horror crept over me. a wave of insecurity, fear and alienation. nervousness. can i do it? will i have a nice teacher? will i make friends? which kid is going to hate me this time, and how will i deal with it?
i'm happy to report that these feelings diminish only slightly with time and (pseudo)parenthood -- i actually thought about what i was wearing this morning (you know: it has to be yummy, but not sexy, appropriately rumpled to allude to frantic mornings getting kids out of bed on time, but not sloppy. i think my shirt was too tight. it's my big boobs, man: my saving grace and bane all at once). none of the other parents even said, 'hi', but there they all were, in their rumpled banana republic clothes, blond highlights hastily blow-dried to look presentable, but not too finished. woe betide the mum who arrives looking done-up. she appears selfish and bitchy and stupid, and that's all there is to it. there was one there, preternaturally yellow hair ironed perfectly straight, wearing way too much make-up carefully applied, tall and slim in perfect pants and a tight designer denim jacket, clinging to her notions of herself as a head-turner. i could see other mums slide hasty sideways glances at her, and even found myself, i'm sorry to say, imagining her staring at herself in the mirror in the morning, beautifying, while her ignored, unlicked, unfed, cubs bonked into each other in the hallway.
it's good to see that petty third-grade school-yard politics never really disappear.
public school sucks. it's either sink or swim, but i've always been too stubborn (scared?) to be pushed into obvious choices. i'd rather avoid the pool altogether.
1 comment:
huh huh - you said boobs!
Post a Comment